Tonight

Love. Love. Love.

The only thing growing is our history

Over the past couple of days I've been setting my emotional set backs and inhibitions aside, and after everything, I'm actually REALLY happy that I'm single. Its a good, almost comfortable feeling that I'm growing to love.

Uhg..

So, the swimsuit I wanted to order from VS is back ordered until JULY! & Nordstrom doesn't have the top I want for the BJ swimsuit. Idk what I'm going to do. I think I'm going to buy a plain black bikini from Old Navy for backup and maybe just settle for one of the suits I saw on the VS website:

This in black:


This one: [it comes with a halter strap]


This one [cuz I really love red]


and this basic black one:


desicions desicions... I HAVE to buy one tomorrow or it wont be here in time for my trip.

Which one should I get??!?!?


Also.. there's been a few [expected] bumps in the road for the planning of this trip but I'm going to do my best to stick out the hard stuff and just have fun with my girls. Especially cuz Ima be lookin' goooooood.

& to all the ladies I'm so sorry for all this horrible confusion. I know its still going to be as fun as we originally intended! <3333

June!

Ohh there is so much I need/want before June. I have 3 vacations in June that I'm so excited for and 2 of them require a bathing suit and a beach bod.

These are the swimming suits I want so bad!

Betsey Johnson [of course]:


& Victorias Secret:


& at the rate I'm going, I'm sure I'll have a beach bod in no time.

When insomnia kicks in

I dont know when, but a day is gonna come
where I cant feel the pain and I'm completely numb
And when I say your name, I am completley brave
and I am free.

I dont know why but I still try to hide
not from you but from my own selfish eyes
I get these flashbacks, and I cant relax
I wake up alone.

I dont know how but I blame myself
And I cant run away and I cant get help
I just have to wait, until the sadness shakes
and I can breath.

And I dont know why I'm always wondering
when youre all alone, do you think of me?
or was it all a dream, you dont remember a thing
have I dissapeared?

And I dont know when but a day is gonna come
Where I'll get back up and be completely done
and I'll dry my eyes, I'll let my fear subside
and I will try.

not lost

SF was alright.. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Had some great food & did some cool stuff. I went to Rasputin's record store & bought a record. [now all I need is a record player]


I've been having some good times lately. Last night at Jackelope, Cell Block & Trapp Door. Dang. Tonight I'm going with the lovely Victoria and Brandi to Circle Lounge.. possibly Sandbar we'll see. Hopefully we get dinner first cuz I'm starving! Worked out at the gym today for an hour which was rough because I skipped the gym the last 3 days.. oops. I'm gettin back in it though.

I got a job too! Things are totally lookin up for me. We'll see how everything else goes. Yesterday we planned our trip to California. I'm so excited for an all girls trip! It's going to be so lovely. We're going about a week early and we're stayin in Vegas for a couple of days. Its going to be awesome and I can't wait for Disneyland! First time for me & I'm 22! Jeez neglected childhood much?

I get tattooed tomorrow... hopefully I wont be such a baby and actually get my arm tattooed a lot this time haha.