We’ll still find someone to be everything we know that you’ll never be

Well. Here I am again. Unemployment has welcomed me with open arms. I'm not sure what the next step is. I'm kind of in a state of confusion. What am I doing that keeps me ending up in this scenario? 6 month stints at meaningless jobs... at least I have the comfort of knowing that I'm working toward my dream job by going to school, but I have a long way to go to achieve that ideal. I wish there was some physical form of motivation. Some drug I could take. Finding another secretarial, accounting position for some small company doesn't strike any appeal for me. I just want to do something I love and I haven't been able to find any degree of interest in anything I've done professionally in my adult life.

I'm trying not to let myself get defeated. Its hard to resist the natural feeling of discouragement, but I can't afford to be apathetic, or to let my disappointment surpass what little motivation I have. I just need to think positive and evaluate where I'm at and continue to seek an ultimate goal.

so as of right now, the present, I am experiencing long sighs and inspirational speeches in my mind. Hopefully I can be enough encouragement for myself and try to move up & move on.

Hearts aren't really our guides.
We are truly alone.
'Cause God ain't up in the sky,
Holding together our bones.

I will not spend my time missing something I'll never have.
I will not spend my time wanting something I can't have.
I will not count on my hopeless imagination.
I will not send it, and you can't make me.
I will not look for you in everything I do.


I will forget you, and trust that you have already forgotten me.
I will stop thinking we were getting close.
I will start crawling out instead of falling further in.
I will stop feeling bad and start feeling nothing.
I will go back to making nice things when I am in love with the world again.



I will walk away from you and I will not, ever, look back.

ugh.

I have a mid term test today.

looking ahead

I have a lot to look forward to in the next little while:



Austin

Jackson Hole
New York
Portland
Seattle
Miami [for the HP theme park]


& Paris




Things are coming up so soon.. so many little weekend trips. I want to do as much traveling as I can while I can. This summer is going to be incredible! I just hope I can budget/manage well enough to do everything that I want. Which means, no more impulsive shopping & try not to eat at restaurants as much. Those are my 2 guilty pleasures. Basically I just have to plan on work all day and school all night so that I don't have time to spend. I need to work out a serious budgeting plan and keep myself occupied with activities that will distract me from spending [I have a serious problem] But I think I can do it!!!