Over the past couple of days I've thought of some really great ideas for paintings. Its kind of a big deal to me because I haven't had the motivation for almost a year now. Idk if its my sadness, the winter, or just plain boredom but I'm finally at the point where I can't wait to get started.

Today I'm going to the art supply store and I'm stocking up. I pretty much need ALL new supplies seeing as how the stuff I have now is probably all dried up and gross. I also think I might start watercolor. I just want something completely different and new and I think these ideas I have [so far I have 9 really good ones that I'm excited about] might put a little pep in my step.

sick of my constant need for proof.

I need to keep a PMA.
Its so difficult to go to sleep and to wake up in the morning and just not think. I have always been an over-analyzer and this is eating away at me. I know its not healthy. I know I shouldn't dwell but I just can't let it go.. Not yet. The only thing I can really tell myself is

this will pass, this will pass. I cant let this sadness become me.

but here I am.. again


[I even bought 7 pairs of shoes since, & still; nothing]

I don't get it.. I never do.

I have 100% accepted that no matter what I do in life, I'm always going to find myself in this place. I'm far too familiar with this feeling for how young I am. I whole-heartedly believe that I'm never going to make someone happy.

but oh well, them's the breaks.

Morning...

I'm trying so hard to be a morning person, but when my alarm goes off I just get so pissed! When I go to bed I plan my whole breakfast and then I wake up with a stomach ache and can't eat. I'm an asshole when I drive to work & I try so hard to be cheery but I just can't do it no matter how much coffee I drink.

I made it

Halloween

Halloween ended up being pretty fun. Although my favorite part of the night was when Ryan, me, Victoria and Cliff all went back to Ryan's and watched Silent Hill.







It seems like the older I get the more I prefer quiet relaxing nights. I always enjoy a good party, [no one throws a better party than my girl B] The whole 'lets get drunk and party' type I find really boring. My ideal weekend evening is having some wine and either reading or watching a movie with Ryan J, or going to dinner & hanging out with the girls and just chatting. I really appreciate the true friends that I do have because we have the same interests and we genuinely care for each other.



My first day of work is tomorrow! Wish me luck!!!