[19] Something you miss

Preface: I said I'd be as honest as I can be in my blog challenge so here is something I've missed for a while now and I feel like I need to confront. Its a very sensitive subject for me to talk about and think about but I think I'll do alright:

Those of you who know me really well know that I was once attached at the hip with my then BFF. We grew up together, meeting on our 5th grade soccer team and continuing our friendship from Jr. High onward. My family and her family were and are still very close and there is a huge chunk of my life that I can't remember a time that she wasn't right there with me. Needless to say, I never saw a life where I didn't call her my friend. Unfortunately, that changed after a night of drunken mistakes on both of our parts and things got out of hand. We are no longer friends and I haven't seen her since January 8th, 2010. Something I miss is the friendship that we had. I don't think there is anyone that knew me as well as she did and it was so easy to be her friend because we were so much alike. We had our first loves together, we had our first heartbreaks together, we went vegan together, we both got arrested for the first time together [nothing to brag about, I know] regardless... we did everything together, as I said before; attached at the hip. We also had a lot of tiffs, we had a lot of arguments, we had a lot of distrust, we had a lot of negative things about our relationship but what can I say? She wasn't the best friend, but she was mine, and I loved her.



I have learned to appreciate what we had and realized that I made a mistake and now continue to move on with my life. I don't see a day in my future that I don't think back on my life and remember her and how much we grew together, but I do know that my life now is amazing because of what I learned from what happened between us. And who knows, maybe one day we won't be so distant, but I can't really say anything more about that. I have incredible friends in my life now that I love, cherish and hold onto with everything, and I have an amazing boyfriend that supports me and comforts me when I get sad about the past. Although our 'falling out' [if you can call it that] happened over a year ago, its hard to think about the person I was then, and how much I let my ego take control of what mattered most to me, not just my friendships with a few people but a lot of other things as well. I can't spend time regretting what happened or who I was then so I don't. But I am happy with who I am today and I continue my life without negativity, without holding grudges and without repeating past mistakes.