Alexandra D

I feel like there is so much that I want to do, but there is too much holding me back. I've had a series of straight bad luck for the past 2 months, all year really. My heart is broken, I lost my job, I broke my arm, my car got repossessed yesterday, I've become a pretty serious alcoholic and I've gained about 15 pounds. I am trying to keep my head up, but its just become so much that I just want to sleep and not get up. I have such high expectations for myself and when I don't meet them, or feel like such a failure [as I do now] I fall down really hard. I don't know what I can do. I have no motivation.

I want to go to school. I want to go seriously. So that I can actually get an associates degree within 2 years. 2 classes a semester is just a waste of time. I want to go to the Art Institute. I hate going SLCC.
I want to lose weight. I want to get back down to 120. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, as stupid as that sounds. I hate not fitting into my old jeans. I hate trying on swim suites. I feel like my weight has a LOT to do with how disappointed in myself I am.
I want to move. I want to go somewhere where I don't know anyone. I want to get lost every day. I want to fall in love with someone who doesn't know or care about anyone I have dated. Where no has anything to judge me by, except for me, and who I am; not who I know.
I want a job that I can love. That I actually enjoy. I talk to so many people that just love what they do, and I can't say that about any job I've ever had.