at the bottom of the hill...

I love love love my apartment and I can already tell I'm going to obsess about decorating it.

I really want to get wall decals like this:



I want something like this in the living room. I have really high ceilings so I want to put something big on the wall because its right where you walk in. I definitely want something to do with crows, even if they are just flying.










I know for sure I want Japanese cherry blossoms in my bedroom. I just think they are so pretty and calming, especially if there is a trail of them falling like in this picture. I want to put them in the corner and have them long enough to stretch over a 3rd of my wall space. And they for sure have to be red because my blankets/sheets and furniture are all black and red and it will accent that nicely I think.











It's all hardwood flooring so I was thinking I should get a big rug for the living room. I was thinking something like this would be cute but I'm afraid of my whole apartment being black and red. So maybe I could go for something more like:








& I have black curtains and I'm aiming to get a black couch in January so it would look pretty similar to this picture if I got a rug like this one. I want to go for a patterned rug because the apartment feels so bland.








I am so happy to finally be alone. I love being as loud or as quiet as I want, I love walking around in the buff, I love to sit in front of the fireplace and read/eat alphabet soup. I love not sharing my things [I.E. dvds, food, dishes] Things are really comfortable at my house because its mine. I love the thought of that.

I had a really great weekend. Friday was amazing to say at the least. I'm really excited about this development in my life. Saturday was so much fun! The show went really well and I'm happy to be a part of the 'giving' portion of Christmas, thanks SO much to Brandi for all of her generosity and organization of the show, the poker tournament, and the gifts for the Sub-For-Santa kids.I've got almost everything moved into my new apartment, I just have to grab the little stuff I have left like my clothes, paintings, and Christmas Presents. After I got everything moved in yesterday it was so nice to sit at home in the quiet without having to worry about anything. Its a small apartment but its cute and everything fits. I just need to get a dresser and a couch and I'll be all good.

This week is going to be crazy busy for me but I'm excited to see how everything pans out. I'm excited for tonight because I get to see my Emily AND watch Harry Potter 6 in the same night!

Life is really on the up & up for me. I hope it stays going the way its going.. I think all I really needed was a huge change

Lookin' up

I am [finally] making a change. I'm starting to look forward; not backward. Some recent events have occurred in my life and I'm taking a positive perspective on things. I think It's going to be a good thing. I feel like I have a lot to look forward to, the only hard part is going to be the wait.


wish me luck!

I just finished this book. I think I prefer the movie. The book is written in 8 year old's perspective which makes the build up more mysterious, which wasn't something I liked. The book omitted a lot of details that made the movie so much more intense. For example, the movie established a better picture as far as developing the friendship between the two boys which made the storyline so much more interesting.

I think I would have liked the book more if they actually explained what happens in the end, but they sort of leave it up to imagination, which for me I didn't like. After seeing this movie, I was so incredibly grieved afterwords and in this book it wasn't as upsetting or moving. Based on the writing, it lacked detail and needed more explanation.

I saw this at Barnes & Noble the other day and it didn't have a price on it, and I figured it was like, 100 bucks so I didn't get it. Well I just looked it up on Amazon and It's only $40! I want to get it so bad! I used to have an Alphonse Mucha book but I lost it in a storage unit. I have always been a fan of Alphonse Mucha, he's definitely one of the artist that inspire me and that I really admire and could look at his art for hours and not get bored.

If people were rain..

Than I am drizzle... and he is a hurricane.

Over the past couple of days I've thought of some really great ideas for paintings. Its kind of a big deal to me because I haven't had the motivation for almost a year now. Idk if its my sadness, the winter, or just plain boredom but I'm finally at the point where I can't wait to get started.

Today I'm going to the art supply store and I'm stocking up. I pretty much need ALL new supplies seeing as how the stuff I have now is probably all dried up and gross. I also think I might start watercolor. I just want something completely different and new and I think these ideas I have [so far I have 9 really good ones that I'm excited about] might put a little pep in my step.

sick of my constant need for proof.

I need to keep a PMA.
Its so difficult to go to sleep and to wake up in the morning and just not think. I have always been an over-analyzer and this is eating away at me. I know its not healthy. I know I shouldn't dwell but I just can't let it go.. Not yet. The only thing I can really tell myself is

this will pass, this will pass. I cant let this sadness become me.

but here I am.. again


[I even bought 7 pairs of shoes since, & still; nothing]

I don't get it.. I never do.

I have 100% accepted that no matter what I do in life, I'm always going to find myself in this place. I'm far too familiar with this feeling for how young I am. I whole-heartedly believe that I'm never going to make someone happy.

but oh well, them's the breaks.

Morning...

I'm trying so hard to be a morning person, but when my alarm goes off I just get so pissed! When I go to bed I plan my whole breakfast and then I wake up with a stomach ache and can't eat. I'm an asshole when I drive to work & I try so hard to be cheery but I just can't do it no matter how much coffee I drink.

I made it

Halloween

Halloween ended up being pretty fun. Although my favorite part of the night was when Ryan, me, Victoria and Cliff all went back to Ryan's and watched Silent Hill.







It seems like the older I get the more I prefer quiet relaxing nights. I always enjoy a good party, [no one throws a better party than my girl B] The whole 'lets get drunk and party' type I find really boring. My ideal weekend evening is having some wine and either reading or watching a movie with Ryan J, or going to dinner & hanging out with the girls and just chatting. I really appreciate the true friends that I do have because we have the same interests and we genuinely care for each other.



My first day of work is tomorrow! Wish me luck!!!

Stiff

Last night 'Books & Besties' picked this book:



I got it today and I'm really excited to start it. It'll be interesting to learn what happens to our bodies after we die. So far I've read the introduction and its really appealing how it relates dead bodies to living activity. I'm excited to get into further.

on the other hand:



HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Sharp Objects

I just finished this book today and I thought it was so good! It was an intriguing story of mystery and a bit of perversion and right when I predicted the outcome it twists in an unexpected direction. I read it in 3 days. I couldn't set it down! Books like this make me love reading!

I'm excited for tomorrows book club meeting because I'm excited to find out what we're going to read next. [& I have a couple books to suggest that look really interesting]

w00t!

lookin out for #1

I'm going to get back into working out. I'm really sick of being bored all day and I think if I had some more exercise in my life I'd have a happier outlook on my life. Starting tomorrow I'm going to be taking a kick boxing class and a yoga class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm excited but at the same time I'm dreading the kick boxing because I've taken this class before and its tough! But I think if I do it at least once a week and still go running 4 or 5 times a week I will be in better shape.

I'm setting goals for my future and hopefully I can get things figured out for myself. The first step is finding a job, if anyone has any ideas please let me know. Another is eating healthier and remembering to take my vitamins every day.

I really, really want to get this:
[but its $30.00 a jobless girl doesn't have]



Alicia Silverstone is someone I've admired since I went vegan in 2003. She's done so much for vegans and the environment and its people like this that make me proud to be vegan. [and to be honest I've been lacking on the motivation to stay vegan] I was looking through this at the bookstore a few days ago and it looks like something that could really help me out with feeling better. My body aches and I've been so tired and irritable lately and I know its because I haven't been conscientious about getting the proper proteins and vitamins in my diet.

I feel like I've forgotten how to be artistic over the years. I was going through all my old art stuff and I really miss who I was when I was younger. I was so poetic and so creative and I just feel like an untalented old lady. I want to start writing again. I found about 5 old journals I used to keep that had a ton of old poems, songs, pictures and little drawings. I really miss how much comfort that gave me and I'm going to try and pick it up again.


All in all, I think the goals I've set for myself are definitely attainable and I'm going to do my darnedest to achieve them.

work work work

I really miss having a job. I want to go back to an office setting where I can wear cute outfits and high heels and type my little fingers away all day long. I really miss doing that. I miss company Christmas parties and signing company Christmas cards and of course, I miss making good money. Serving/bar-tending was fun but I was CONSTANTLY anxious about weather I was going to make enough money to live.

This feels like such an endless search. I just want to find a job that I can rely on and enjoy. Is that too much to ask?

HALLOWEEN PARTY

Ryan J's Halloween party was so fun! & we all looked so cute!




I spent the whole day baking:


and I think these turned out really great:




[Ok, ok, I know I'm not the best decorator... but I'm getting better.]

The party was so fun and not too out of control. I'm so happy that everyone came! I loved all the costumes! By the end of the night Ryan and I were so tired we went to bed before everyone left.



The whole thing was so much fun and I'm glad everyone had as much fun as us!

so..

After my [not long enough] day of relaxing I've come to the conclusion that I really want to do this to my hair [color]:







I think I love the last one the most, but I don't think my hair will lighten up that much after having black for so long.

I just love reddish brown hair and I think I'd look really good with it. I've had black hair since I was 16 and I'm really getting sick of it. Plus I want a cute new hairdo for fall/winter!

What do you think?

Raining all day

Days like this are for:

Hot Tea
Bubble baths
Cuddling
Foreign films
Baking delicious treats
Mani/Pedi's
Reading
and dreaming up vacations.

I will be doing all the above, all day long.

Winter

I am so excited for winter. If you know me, you know its my FAVORITE time of year. I can smell it getting closer and its making me so happy.



I can't wait to get all bundled up and walk around in the cold. And I'm even more excited this year because RJ loves the winter almost as much as I do!

OMG

I need to have this [the red]

school

Ok so its official. I'm going to school in January. I was talking to my dad about it and I decided that I want to be able to do something I love and still be able to afford to take care of myself. Have my own house, my own car and my own hobbies and be able to do what I want when I'm a grown up. I've decided to go for a Bachelor's Degree in Graphic Design. I'm going to start at the community college and eventually move up to the University of Utah. I'm way excited to start especially because I feel like over the past year I've accomplished a lot and have really learned how to take care of myself and learn what makes ME happy, and I've always wanted to go to school but never really went for it because I had too many things going on.

To dream that you are in Paris, symbolizes your need for romance and passion. It also suggests that you are a person of distinction. You own personal experiences and knowledge of Paris will supercede the suggested interpretation here.

I'm thinking I need to go back sometime next year..

I'm back!

I had such a good time camping! Lots of cuddling, 4wheeling, eating and laughing. It was definetly one of the better trips I've taken.

I FINALLY got my arm finished yesterday! I'm really happy with how it looks. And it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it was going to. I can't wait for the swelling to go down.

It feels good to be home, but I definetly would rather be back in the mountains with my boy

Halloween!

So, I thought I'd make a blog about my Halloween costume like Viv's cuz its so cute!

I'm going to be Jason from Friday The 13th.







I'm not POSITIVE on what I want to do with it yet but here's what I'm thinking so far:

I could dirty up a shirt like this and maybe cut a few holes in it:


or do this kind of a shirt instead:



with of course some black skinny jeans:



The only reservations I have about it is he's SO dirty! He lives in a friggin' lake! Thats gross. So I'm just going to have to figure out how to look dirty but still look cute.

bills bills bills

My morning so far...



not very fun... someone save me.

update

I need to do the following things when I get home from work today:

A. Figure out my financial tribulation
-I need a good plan to get out of debt because I really need to trade my car in and get a new one.
B. Clean my room!
-I need to move some stuff around at least because none of my stuff is fitting
C. Make my lovely boy a present
-He's gunna love it!!!
D. Re-build my resume and apply for a million jobs.
-Can't tell if I want to go back to an office environment which has been where I've worked for my whole adult life, or try to keep serving/bar tending.
E. Figure out something to paint on this canvas I've had forever
-I've been practicing with Koi fish and I think they're finally turning out how I want them to so I might paint something that has to do with those, and I'm not the best at water yet, but I'll work on it.

Also, I think I know what classes I want to take in school if I go in the spring! I might still try to go for the Graphic Design degree that I've been thinking about for a couple years now because all the required classes for that degree are what I want to take in school anyway so it works out. The only problem is I HATE apple (which is what I would need) and I already bought a Dell lap top.....

also, I know what I'm going to be for one of the Halloween parties! Its going to be so awesome I hope the rest of the girls go for it.

I'm working tonight for the first day in 4 days! I hope I make a lot of money this weekend cuz its one of the last weekends that it's going to be warm. Even though I need money so bad, I just want to stay at home and draw/paint all night. hmph!


Oh, and P.S. Ladies (and bebe): LLVH tomorrow?

SO..

After reading Brandi's lovely blog post, I've decided I want to get some more books. But every time I go to the book store I don't know what to get.

So, does anyone have any book suggestions?

xo

Whew

I've been surprisingly making money this weekend! I've been so pressed for cash this past week that finally I have enough money to actually take care of some bills. And it came just in time. I could still use some more though, but don't we all.

Aside from working, unpacking and cleaning like a mad woman I've been having a lot of fun. I FINALLY started my running routine again and that's been going well, now all I need to do is eat better and I'll be satisfied. That damned taco stand puts crack in their everything I swear! I just cant give it up.

I am going camping with Ryan on September 5th and I'm actually pretty excited, even though I despise camping. I haven't been since I was about 16 so maybe It'll be good for me. My dad said he'd make me stew that I can eat for dinner and then I plan on just bringing some stuff for sandy's, seeing as how I'll be the only vegan there. I'm thinking about making Sloppy Joe stuff as well because naturally, they're my favorite. Too bad those vegan marshmallows are gross. But I'm really surprised at how excited I am for the whole thing. I still have some time to do some more food planning, and maybe I'll get some new shoes... We'll see.

I had such a good day today.

I woke up and made this delicious breakfast:



and then I drew for a little while, made some calls, got the gas and power in my name [finally] and called some stores about my online orders. Then I went to my sisters house and she colored my hair for me:



Then I went and met up with Linda, Whitni and her boys, Luca and Isaac and had dinner at Happy Sumo.

Luca is such an angel and I'm so happy I finally met the bebe!

Now I'm off to Ryan's to finish a wonderful day with him and Harry Potter [my two favorites!]