There was once a time when I knew who I was, when I understood and accepted myself. I acknowledged my pain and persevered. I would never settle for anything less than what I envisioned in myself. I had ambition. I had enthusiasm. I had potential, and I identified with it. I was determined. I know what it feels like to be proud of who I am, and I feel like that is the greatest thing I've lost in the past 6 months.
My biggest fault in this specific situation that I consistently find myself in, is mistaking the feeling of rejection for the feeling of heartache and genuine sorrow. But it takes admitting that to realize what I need to do to change my life. I can't permit myself to be miserable anymore. I've wasted too much time allowing other people's judgment to influence or penetrate my worth. And to be honest, this intense search for temporary satisfaction has completely exhausted all of my other emotions.
I'm done excessively drinking. I'm done investing my heart into people who perpetually disappoint me. I am done waiting for the lingering feeling of happiness that I nearly forgot about. I am done conceding to what is said or thought about me. I am done characterizing optimism as if it is an obligation. I want to be happy, and I know that I am the only person in this world that can get me there.
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